Today, May 14th, is my former husband’s first birthday since his passing on December 16, 2018. He would be 62. We love and miss him very much. I cannot believe that it is almost 5 months that he has been gone.
In life, the road we are on twists and turns in ways we can never really imagine. Be thankful for what you have… and Please be sure to let those you love know that you love them for there may not be a next time….. life is fragile and time passes quickly.
As of this past April 4th, Peter and I have been together for 20 years. Matthew has been part of my sons and my life now for over 20 years.
Here we are again…. that tragic, heartbreaking moment in time where our world stands still.
Thursday after a long day at work, Matthew came home, did a favor for a friend and loaded a vehicle with cut wood. Around 6:00PM he went upstairs to wait until his father arrived to fix the water heater. When Peter arrived, he fixed the water heater then went upstairs to tell his son Matt that he could shower; the hot water was working again! It was around 7:30PM.
When Peter could not wake up Matt, he called 911. Sweet, gentle, kind Matt (32), had passed by the time he arrived at the hospital.
We mourn the loss of Matthew and the wonderful and kind son, brother, nephew, grandson, cousin, friend, coworker he was to all. Born on February 14th, he was a Sweetheart and kind soul to all. We love you and will miss you my dear Matthew for ever and for always.
Please pray for Matthew, his father Peter, brother Nathan, sister Alicia, mother Chris, to help them and ease their unbearable pain that they hold in their hearts at this difficult time. Thank you.
We love you Matthew!
***Remember that life is fragile and short. We never know what the next moment will bring to us. Tell those you love that you love them, always. Say it vocally, both parties need to hear it out loud, always. OXO, Carole***
As you can see my son, your mother is late to wish you a Happy Happy Birthday on her site! We know this is OK because we celebrated your birthday last year, on your birthday!
Once again, another year has passed so quickly; it is gone with the blink of an eye and we are ALL a year older and …. wiser? Yes, YOU are a year wiser! I see it, I hear it, I feel it, I know it. Many events have transpired over this past year. I am extremely proud of you my son; holding strong, being strong, following through as you always have done since you were a little baby boy. Now, as a man, you are doing the same, over and over again, your actions are something for you to be proud of when you reflect upon yourself. My love for you is unconditional… forever and for always, I love you, MOM, XxxOoo.
A week ago this past Saturday, I accidentally ZAPPED myself with gluten when I made Boston Baked Beans. The recipe called for Ketchup; I did not have ketchup, I had tomato paste. Thinking, I buy all the groceries, I know this does not have gluten. I opened the can of paste, scooped out 1/3 cup, mixed it into the baked beans (pressure cooker – 60 minutes and they were finished) and checked out the flavor. My was it delicious…. ate a 1/2 cup of beans, went to bed. When I woke up in the morning after tossing and turning all night, and got out of bed, I was not feeling well. Never thought I ate gluten. When my son checked the label for the tomato paste, yup, you guessed it, WHEAT in the ingredients….. I threw the other four cans in the trash. Still not right after 1 week, 3 days. UGH!
The moral of this story is, no matter how long one has been gluten free, one must NEVER let one’s guard down by not reading the label…
Somewhere, sometime, some land, someone shared by explaining the joy and immeasurable fulfillment a mother has when she carries and delivers a child. The pride and love that exudes from her as she watches her son from birth to a young child, on to a teenager, young man, to a intelligent, handsome, successful man.
The days, weeks, months turn to years and the years to decades. I am that proud, joy filled, thankful, satisfied, mother! I would not be a mother today without you, I would not be the mother I am without you!
May God Bless you now, today, tomorrow and for all the wonderful years to come for you and your future.
I love you with all my heart.
For Ever and For Always,
MOM,
XXxOOo
Been thinking for years how does a mother gauge how well she did in raising her family? Is there a way to determine how she loved, taught, disciplined, nurtured, guided her children? There are mothers who are terrible, neglectful, abusive, toward their children and some turn out to be leaders. There are mothers who give their children everything their little hearts desire and more…. their children turn out spoiled and entitled! There are mothers who manage to strike a balance for their children in life and her children may be great or may not be so great. What determines the end result? Do we know? Is it the way she cooks or what restaurants she brings them to dine? Is it the friends she keeps or the friends she allows her children to associate with throughout their lives? Is it what schools they attend and what activities they can participate?
What is it?
Is it the make up of their genes and DNA combined with a mother’s love and the environment? What can it be and where do we look to find our answers? Do you know? Does anyone know? What happens to the mother who ends up in divorce and her children are without one of the parents due to uncontrollable circumstances? How do they turn out? Are they better or worse than any of the others?
Who knows…..
Who will take responsibility for how she behaves and how her children grow up and behave? Will they? We will see as the time passes and our lives mature and we grow old. We will see when we are old; who will come and visit us, who will make sure we are OK, who will make sure we are loved, healthy, safe, fed, and comfortable as we age and become unable to care for ourselves?
Will you?
“The Oak Tree”
A mighty wind blew night and day.
It stole the oak tree’s leaves away,
Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark
Until the oak was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground
While other trees fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke,
“How can you still be standing, Oak?”
The oak tree said, “I know that you
Can break each branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away,
Shake my limbs, and make me sway.
But I have roots stretched in the earth,
Growing stronger since my birth.
You’ll never touch them, for you see,
They are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasn’t sure
Of just how much I could endure.
But now I’ve found, with thanks to you,
I’m stronger than I ever knew.”
Pain. It’s back, again. Just when I feel strong and great, it hits me, always unannounced! The pain felt when a loved one has died or is very sick. It is usually fleeting: comes in a flash and leaves just as quick. Like a wave. Other times, it is piercing, long-lasting. I try to will it away, think of pleasant good thoughts, beautiful memories… but it is there, crushing my heart, crushing my thoughts, my chest feels like it is caving in again and again, my legs get weak, my eyes fill with tears, my jaw gets tight, my neck muscles hurt from holding back the breaking dam of tears, I hold my breath as though it will keep the pain from entering my body and mind. My thoughts pass quickly in my head, what if…. maybe when…. what will happen… why, why, why….like a reel-to-reel, playing over and over again…. then… the pain has stopped, the moment is gone, I smile. It is good to breathe again. The sky is blue, God is good.
Happy Happy Birthday Stephen my son! You are a pillar of strength, like a mature Oak Tree. Of all the people I know in my life, you are one of two that I can always rely on for anything and everything, always, without question and most always without judgement:-)
I realize this post is months late; you know in my heart, without words spoken, it does not matter the time in which I post this.
Thank you for being my son, forgiving, loving, compassionate, caring, supportive and so much more.
I love you, For ever and For always in my heart, MOM, XXxOOo
Dear Veterans:
Another year has passed so quickly! A note of thanks to all of you who keep us safe and free.
To ALL of our Warriors; active Soldiers, Veterans, and Fallen Heroes – Thank you for your service to our country and for your ultimate sacrifices . Thank you for keeping my sons and me safe and free!!!
God Bless You, Your families, and Our Great Country – The United States of America!! Thank You!
With great respect,
Carole
