A Moment in Pain

Pain.  It’s back, again.  Just when I feel strong and great, it hits me, always unannounced!  The pain felt when a loved one has died or is very sick.  It is usually fleeting: comes in a flash and leaves just as quick.  Like a wave.  Other times, it is piercing, long-lasting.  I try to will it away, think of pleasant good thoughts, beautiful memories… but it is there, crushing my heart, crushing my thoughts, my chest feels like it is caving in again and again, my legs get weak, my eyes fill with tears, my jaw gets tight, my neck muscles hurt from holding back the breaking dam of tears, I hold my breath as though it will keep the pain from entering my body and mind.  My thoughts pass quickly in my head, what if…. maybe when…. what will happen… why, why, why….like a reel-to-reel, playing over and over again…. then… the pain has stopped, the moment is gone, I smile.  It is good to breathe again. The sky is blue, God is good.